I now meditate everyday, at least I try to. Faith brought me to meditation. Here's how I began meditating.
Getting into marijuana was when the journey of my life began. I've always have been on a journey, but before marijuana, I was in a weak state of awareness. I didn't realize that most of life was controlled by expectations of others. I created myself based off what other people wanted to see in me. As a result, I built up a corrupted ego that took charge of my life. Instead following my hearts desires, I choose to follow the ego. By doing that, I became less intune with who I was. Saved by the best and dumb decision of my life, I smoked a little weed with my cousin during summer. When you hear people say, everything happens for a reason, it's true. I had a really bad smoking experience that summer. It was the first time I ever smoked. My cousin passed me the joint and before you know it, I was running around thinking I was in hell. During that high, I thought I was in a dream or dead.
Only reason why I started thinking those things were because the way the high made me feel, act, and see things. While I was under the influence of marijuana, I felt as if I was being controlled by another force. I became the spectator of me. I tried to analyze what was going on with me at the time. All the data my brain could come with was that I was not reality and that I must be dreaming or dead.
For a couple of months after my high was gone, I went through extreme paranoia. I stayed stuck with the idea that I was not actually experiencing in reality. By that being implanted in my head, I started to analyze every detail of life to see if my theory about not being in reality was real. I paid attention to myself in great detail, along with just about every possible detail in life. I use to listen to my heart to see if that was normal, I started listening to my voice to see if that was normal and I did a bunch of other nonsense type things. By thinking to hard and getting panicked by the slightest thought of something abnormal, I became paranoid to the point I had to see a psychiatrist and doctor. Things weren't getting better for me mentally, physically, or socially, so I was left with no choice, but to get help.
I isolated myself from world due to paranoia, stopped eating, and rapidly became a paranoid wreck. Gladly, I realized that i couldn't live the way I was living. Imagine life for months in a state of panic. Every second of everyday was worry. By being focused on that one thing so deeply and fully, I lost connection with reality.
As I said earlier though, i seen a psychiatrist. She set the record straight, I may have been given laced drugs or the drug only brought something out that already existed in me. One of the two were most likely the cause of my paranoia, she said. She offered me a solution to fix the issue. I was not happy at all with her solution, I was not trying to take medication with the side affects she mentioned. I decided to take it upon myself to get myself together.
How My Recovery Started...
I opened myself back up to the world and worked on fixing what needed to be fix using what was once a problem, my mind. I built up a super aware and over analytic mind all from my bad marijuana experience. To this day, my mind is still super aware and over analytic, but in a positive way that has help me be more aware of the world and me. With the mental strength I attained from paranoia, I was able to see life in it's actual form. Being equipped with these new abilities as like to them, made me interact in a whole new way in life because when you begin to see things what they are you perspective will dramatically change, it was a good change. See! Everything does happen for a reason.
I spent a long time in recovery. It was only until I started to meditate that I actually recover. I searched up on the computer ways to be calm and meditation came up. Meditation further increased my awareness and calmed down my over analyic in a way that it became really positive.
And that's how I got into meditation. You see how everything happens for a reason? Ever since I started meditating, I've had this feeling that my calling was near. Am I suppose to end up a mediation instructor? Oh, I didn't mention when I started meditating, I believe I had got sign. It was a picture of what appeared to be noah. He led people to freedom. Maybe I'm supposed to help people be free through meditation?
